Redeem this text for a blowjob
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
