how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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