nut hugger
where am i from again
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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