Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
