Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
