My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
