i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
