it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
