spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
