Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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