Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
