dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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