YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
