Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
