toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
