and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
