I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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