it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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