There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
