I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
