Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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