She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
