I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
