mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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