Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Randomize
