1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Where did you get a picture of my penis
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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