she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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