problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize