K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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