i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
