Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
