nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
