i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
