I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
