I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
