u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize