Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
