Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
