party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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