Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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