some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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