Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
