i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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