he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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