But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
