it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
