I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
