can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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