this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
