a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
