just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
