why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
