my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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