Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
