Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
