Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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