Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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