does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
