How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
