she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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