Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
