She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
