Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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