I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
