I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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