New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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