need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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