It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Did we literally take a cab across the street
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
