but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
