last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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