I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
