When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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