this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
