I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
