We're facebook friends in real life
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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