I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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