I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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