So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
