Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
