I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
