I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
