she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
