I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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