I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize