It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
