You just made me feel so damn special
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
