I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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