We're facebook friends in real life
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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