I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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