I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
