Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
