I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
