we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
