Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
