I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
