do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
