her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
