Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
