I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
