I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
