Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
