youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
