he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
