I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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