I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
