I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
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