u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
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