I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
