you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
